What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
