Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
