in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
