32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
