I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
