Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
