...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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