do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
