I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
