i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
