Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
