ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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