On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
