dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
