it was like his penis was on wheels.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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