my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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