I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
