Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
