so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
