I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
