PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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