So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
