Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
