i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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