i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
