Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
