Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No stitches, just platelets and will power
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
