How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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