1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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