My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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