im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
