She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
