Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
