You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
jump out the window naked night went bad
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
