Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
