the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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