It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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