Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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