I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
