You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
