So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
