I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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