i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
