did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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