quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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