I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Girls should come with a carfax report
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
