their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
