that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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