FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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