Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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