I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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