Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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