I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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