So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
