i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
