you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
