His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
