Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
