I just made out with a guy for $7.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
